Do As I Preach, Not As I Practice
Okay, it is time to announce that I am a hypocrite. Here I am extolling the virtues of family and cooking, and you are getting this picture of someone who understands the value of consistent healthy meals, nutrition, food categories, taking time and making the effort to produce balanced meals most days and evenings . So before my kids reveal the unembellished truth, destroying all chance for my interviews on the talk shows because I have been labeled a "charlatan", it is time to come clean.
First of all, I forget to eat. This is not a unique phenomena. I have met quite a few people on my journey through life who have said the same thing. Our stomach clocks do not send a strong enough signal to the brain to make us stop and take time out to eat. Then suddenly we realize we are starving - and I mean STARVING. Which brings us to point number two.
When you are that hungry, the first reaction is to wolf just about anything down. Most of the time it is a quick fix consisting of some type of edible food laced inside and out with sugar. One does not have to be a licensed nutritionist to figure out how unhealthy that can be.
I do not eat breakfast and neither do most of my children. My married daughters do try and eat three balanced meals a day, as they have discovered the trick to weight loss and healthy eating. I get a speech about my bad eating habits around once a month. Still, I cannot even entertain the notion of putting anything in my stomach, besides coffee, before noontime.
So, because I forget to eat, it is easy to forget about making supper for the kids. Since they are fairly lax about their stomach clocks as well, the words, "I am starving" coming from them, means I have to eat now. If you are not prepared with something then you are facing disaster.
Just imagine you did not, for whatever reason remember to feed the kids supper, and now they go back to your ex. Envisage the following line being told over in your ex's house while you are driving back home, your face plastered with a smile of warm memories. Do not forget it is nine-thirty at night and the next day is a school day.
"Mommy," the line goes, "Daddy didn't feed us again. He is starving us to death."
So your ex calls you and wants to know how a father can forget to feed his own children but does not forget to feed his golden retriever dog.
"Supper?" you ask innocently, imagining your ex breathing fire and brimstone. "What's that? Sheesh. I fed them an omelet this afternoon. Besides the dog was whining for her food so I knew she was hungry. How much do children have to eat anyway? They didn't remind me that I have to make another meal!"
Beware. Defending yourself with the "they did not remind me" line will get you in deep doo-doo. (Experience is a great teacher.)
Grinning, are you? Well at least my ex is understanding. She knows I live in outer space. What is your excuse?
Lesson to be learned:
Plan meals and do not forget that children have to be fed fairly often (more often than golden retrievers). Also, prepare your revenge on the kids with sophistication. Feed them cauliflower next time they are over. That ought to shut them up for a few weeks.