The Great Chocolate Cake Recipe

Chocolate Cake Recipe

Ingredients:
  1. 1 cup water
  2. 1 cup sugar
  3. 4 large eggs
  4. 2 cups dried fruit
  5. 1 teaspoon baking soda
  6. 1 teaspoon salt
  7. 1 cup brown sugar
  8. lemon juice
  9. nuts
  10. Lots & Lots Of Chocolate
  11. 1 gallon Scotch - At least 12 Years Old (but in a pinch any kind will do!)
Utensils You Need:
One or two or three good scotch glasses.
Your eyeglasses to read the fine print on the Scotch bottle
Your bed all made up and ready

Directions:
  1. Sample the scotch to check for quality.
  2. Take a large bowl.
  3. Check the scotch again to be sure it is of the highest quality. Pour one level cup and drink.
  4. Repeat Step #3.
  5. Turn on the electric mixer.
  6. Beat 1 cup butter in a large, fluffy bowl.
  7. Add 1 teaspoon sugar and beat again.
  8. Make sure the scotch is still holding its own. Repeat Step #3.
  9. Turn off mixer. Break 2 legs and add to the bowl and chuck in the chocolate.
  10. Mix on the turner.
  11. If the chocalita gets stuck in the beaterers, pry it loose with a drewscriver.
  12. Eat some of the dried fruit.
  13. Repeat Step #3. Sample the scotch to check for tonsisticity.
  14. Next, sift 2 cups of salt. Or something. Who cares?
  15. Repeat Step #3.
  16. Now sift the lemon juice and strain your nuts.
  17. Add one table. Spoon. Of sugar or something. Whatever you can find.
  18. Grease the oven.
  19. Turn the cake tin to 350 degrees. Don't forget to beat off the turner.
  20. Throw the bowl out of the window.
  21. Repeat Step #3. Check the Scotch again.
  22. Go to bed.Take the Scotch with you!
  23. Repeat Step #3 as many times as you can take it.
  24. Who the hell likes chocolate cake anyway?
Got Ya!
Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Comments

Paula and Elwood's Poetic Palace said…
That is hysterical.

I was all set to save this one and try it out..

Very well done, Ted
10/22/2007 6:00 PM
Anonymous said…
i've seen other variants of this one, but this one is way funny!

i think i'll do as 22. says...
Go to bed.Take the Scotch with you!

lol
10/26/2007 7:59 AM
Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Baking Powder

Image
This is the last of Paula's recipes for "food & cooking staples" so far. She writes: Sometimes you run out of an item midway through baking. It is fun to be able to make the missing content out of items you have sitting in your cupboards. Baking Powder Ingredients: 1 Tablespoon Cornstarch 2 Tablespoons Cream of Tartar 1 Tablespoon Baking Soda Just whisk together until evenly blended Baking Art Print 12 in. x 6 in. Buy at AllPosters.com Fifty Percent (50%) of all revenue of any product purchased through Help! I Have A Fire In My Kitchen goes to help feed needy families in Israel. The funds are donated directly to the needy families - regardless of religion, race or creed. The remaining 50% will be donated to a Rape Crises Center for Women in Israel. Paula obviously has a knack in the kitchen. I took this recipe but remember folks it implies you have Cream of Tartar and implies Cornstarch and Baking soda. If I had all this stocked in my kitchen - trust me I would al...
Read more

Shrek Cookbook - Book Review

Image
(***Due to layout of this review, if viewed in an RSS reader, certain sections may seem duplicated.) Before we begin, the normal disclaimer. This book review was solicited by the publishers of the Shrek Cookbook and contains my opinion of the book. For kosher readers of Help! I Have A Fire In My Kitchen - This is not a "kosher" cookbook though the majority of recipes in the Shrek Cookbook can be used as is, or with just a few sane and healthy substitutions, can be kept kosher. (Indeed as far as I could tell every recipe in this book can be kept kosher.) It is not that difficult to find equivalent and healthy kosher substitutes these days, especially in the United States. Book Details: The Shrek Cookbook , published by Dorling Kindersley ( www.dk.com ) is a publicized as a cookbook for children (ages 4-8). It's 30+ recipes come in Ringbound Hard Cover, so the pages can be turned easily while the book lays on a counter top. The font is large, catering to the child and p...
Read more

Chicken-Rice Roger

Image
Nancy sent this one in. Help! I Have A Fire In My Kitchen seems to have lit the fire in her kitchen! She writes: I have an ancient cookbook titled "The I Hate To Cook Book". It looks like the Dead Sea Scrolls: it's a paper-back with brown, crispy pages which are crumbling at the edges and more than quite a few of the recipes have large grease stains on them (shows you how wonderfully often they were referred to). I checked the publishing date and it reads 1960! I know...I'm as old as Methuselah. The recipes in this cookbook are about as easy as you'll ever find, so if you are in the category of "cooking for dummies", this particular recipe will please you no end. This recipe is one that was so popular that I even took it to weekend get-aways with my husband's cousin and her husband. We two women stayed up all night chewing the fat, and when we saw the morning light sliding through the Venetian blinds in the kitchen, we took the partially devou...
Read more